F*ck you, Tesco

A lot of my mini-breakdowns happen in the local supermarket. In my first year of living in this town, I was a sobbing mess on the floor because they didn’t sell the particular type of pen I wanted. Today, I was a total mess in the wine aisle because it appears that they don’t sell my favourite bottle anymore. So I couldn’t find it on the shelf so that made me panic, and then I was faced with the daunting decision of having to choose one out of all the others, and there were so many and it was just a disaster because I knew deep down that I couldn’t afford any of them and should probably avoid alcohol altogether, and so I sat on the floor with my empty basket and choked back tears.

I am not very well today. I am not well at all.

I didn’t sleep last night despite swallowing gold dust/diazepam. I spent the night having conversations with myself inside my head and imaginary conversations with other people who don’t give a damn about me anymore. I didn’t sleep. I love to sleep, I live to sleep, and I was deprived of it. Another example to support the notion that “life isn’t fair.”

I have so much to do and so little time and suicidal thoughts are existing in full force today. What’s the point of all of this suffering?

I am so depressed that I can’t see past this laptop screen.

I need someone, anyone to stay with me tonight so that I don’t do anything stupid. Stupid/sensible. I need someone. I need you.

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6 thoughts on “F*ck you, Tesco

  1. What’s the point of all of this suffering?….

    Because someday… tomorrow? next week? next year? It’s all going to change and the strength you find to get yourself through the night will make you stronger for your future. Life is hard and though, it’s dirty and mean and people are arseholes but it’s also amazing and beautiful, kind and heart warming and people will surprise you.

    Don’t take the easy way because your almost there

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