Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.
I have had my blood test this morning, I’ll get the results on Wednesday and find out how much Lithium I’ve got in my blood. Then seeing psychiatrist Dr T on Friday and he will decide whether to up my meds or not.
I feel really low today, choking back Propranolol to try and stop my shakes. I feel sick and tired of life. I have classes today then am seeing the CPN at 2:30, hopefully she’ll sort me out, she usually does.
I just want to stay in bed and write poems all day. I might just do that this evening.
Why do I do this to myself? I listen to my suicide songs and depressing music and take in all the angry lyrics, and wonder why it affects me so much. Leonard Cohen is more suited to wrist-slitting, Placebo’s 2006 album Meds is perfect for overdosing.
I get my funding on Friday so I’m going to buy some drugs and get some tattoos and eat, drink and be merry because I need to do something to make this extreme sadness go away. It’s really grating on me now: I can’t study, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Everything is awful. I am waiting for an email that may never come.
Wishing you all a day of peace and quiet. xx