Today

Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I have had my blood test this morning, I’ll get the results on Wednesday and find out how much Lithium I’ve got in my blood. Then seeing psychiatrist Dr T on Friday and he will decide whether to up my meds or not. 

I feel really low today, choking back Propranolol to try and stop my shakes. I feel sick and tired of life. I have classes today then am seeing the CPN at 2:30, hopefully she’ll sort me out, she usually does.

I just want to stay in bed and write poems all day. I might just do that this evening.

Why do I do this to myself? I listen to my suicide songs and depressing music and take in all the angry lyrics, and wonder why it affects me so much. Leonard Cohen is more suited to wrist-slitting, Placebo’s 2006 album Meds is perfect for overdosing. 

I get my funding on Friday so I’m going to buy some drugs and get some tattoos and eat, drink and be merry because I need to do something to make this extreme sadness go away. It’s really grating on me now: I can’t study, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Everything is awful. I am waiting for an email that may never come.

Wishing you all a day of peace and quiet. xx

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6 thoughts on “Today

  1. Sleep. Run. Make a smoothie. Go shopping. Take a shower. Dress cute. Do your makeup. Listen to happy songs. Draw. Write. Open the windows. Listen to happy music. Dance in your underware. Sing off key at the top of your lungs. Walk outside. Get a pet. Etc etc. Have a good day love :)

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