mad, bad, sad girl

After 46 days booze-free, yesterday I got blind drunk and I am not pleased about it at all.

I don’t remember much. I don’t know how I got home. I think I went to the TH pub but I might’ve made that up. I think I spoke to JJ but maybe I didn’t. I don’t remember how bad I was – I am scared and ashamed anyway.

I know that I sent drunken text messages to people that I should not have. I think I called The Lawyer which was bloody stupid. But worse, I think I went to his house – I don’t know.

I know that I fell over. My face hurts – my lips are cut and I am lucky that I didn’t knock my teeth out or break my nose. I remember landing on my face. But I don’t know where I fell – somewhere on the way home I guess. My knees are cut, my tights are ripped, my coat is dirty, my fingernails are broken.

My phone screen is smashed to pieces and it won’t turn on. I am so upset that my Kindle screen is smashed too, the touchscreen is totally unresponsive. I lost my cigarettes. And I have lost my debit card. I am so embarrassed. It will cost me so much time, money and effort to replace these things.

I had plans today that I was really looking forward to – football at the pub with my dad and brother, and a date night in town this evening. But instead I am hiding under a duvet, scared, ashamed, worried, embarrassed, sad, with only my hangover and drunken injuries for company.

I hate myself.


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