The weather in London is truly beautiful today. Spring is here, finally – I have been waiting for Spring for so long, but now it has arrived I don’t know what to do. I am feeling very low. My body aches and my heart hurts. I’m feeling very anxious, sick with nerves, sick of living. I am desperately tired, but if I sleep now then I mess up my whole sleep cycle.
I want to cry because I want to read so many books right this second but I can’t, I can’t concentrate, and it is impossible to read all of these books at the same time. Some things are impossible: and this fact makes me want to cry. I want to do everything and I want to do nothing, all at once. This loneliness is painful. But I can’t think of a single person that I want to see, that I want to have sitting next to me – there is no one. I am so scared of being alive. Please take me somewhere nice. Please let me go.