Monday = Monday Club (UK’s biggest pub chains and others cut the price of drinks), sometimes a Bank Holiday
Thursday is the new Friday
Friday = Friday! Payday. Survived another week at work. Worldwide obligation to get drunk
Saturday = Football, hair of the dog, or still hammering it from Friday night
Sunday = Funday! Sunday Sessions
Wedding, Christening, Birthday, Funeral = drink.
Hen Do, Stag Do, Baby Shower = drink.
Christmas (Day, Eve, Week), Easter, New Years Eve, New Year’s Day, Boxing Day, Summer Solstice, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Burns Night, any acknowledged day of significance? Drink.
Passed your driving test? Passed your exams? Passed your drugs test? Drink.
Divorce? Heartbreak? First date? Engagement? New house? Lost your job? New job? Drink.
Quitting drinking? Drink to celebrate.
Giving up drugs? Drink more than you did before to replace drug of choice.
Quitting smoking? Drink on your own whilst all your friends are smoking outside.
Football/rugby/cricket team won? Drink.
Football/rugby/cricket team lost? Drink.
Something important happening in the country? Drink.
Royal Baby? Drink.
Something awful happening in the country? Drink.
Nothing exciting happening in the country? Drink out of boredom.
On holiday? Drink.
Eating a meal? Drink.
It’s 5 o’clock? Drink.
It’s almost 5 o’clock? Drink.
It’s 5 o’clock somewhere in the world? Drink.
Got out of bed this morning? Drink.
Got out of bed this morning and didn’t have a hangover? Drink.
Drinking? Drink more.