My dad is still alive and I am still alive and everything is awful but we’re trying. My god, we are fucking trying.
I hit the bottle again (no sleep + no food + stress + dread + fear + no time to oneself = relapse) but I’m almost 72 hours sober now. My brother is in London and I am so glad. I am beginning to sort our lives out. I’ll be homeless again in 2 weeks but never mind.
I am grateful for being able to wash my face with clean water after a long day, for being able to afford to get buses to and from the hospital, for books and cold drinks and sleep and quiet places and being left alone. I am grateful for all of the gorgeous people in the world who decide to train as medical professionals – the staff at the intensive care unit are darlings. I am grateful for all of the people that have such patience with me and my behaviours, particularly when I have no patience with myself. I am grateful for the pills that let me sleep. I am grateful for having the things I need to brush my teeth.
New posts on Hijacked Amygdala and general writings to follow over the weekend. I hope you are all alive too. Xx